Aw anon, I honestly know how you feel. Emetophobia completely took over my life at one point. It’s a terrible phobia. But you are stronger than it is. I promise you that you are stronger than the phobia. And I know that it might be hard to believe me right now, but I promise that it’s true. No matter how strong and powerful the phobia seems to be, you are the one in charge.
Something that helped me a lot with emet, was trying to pick my battles. For example, I began to fear eating meat because I was afraid that it would make me sick. So I became a vegetarian until I was ready to go back to meat. I decided that I didn’t need to fight that particular battle, so I walked away from it. And it really helped me get over the phobia because I wasn’t stressing so much about something that was in my control.
That being said, it’s also good to try to say yes to things that make you anxious. If you do something that you normally wouldn’t do because of anxiety, it can really boost your confidence. So maybe, try to touch a bowl that makes you nervous. And then build up from there. And remember that even just trying is a success in itself.
Things will get better. I know they will.
I believe in you and I am here for you.